A few summers ago, during one of the nights out with a bunch of my very close friends, I’ve met a man in his thirties. To be honest, I don’t go out expecting anything. I think that it’s extremely rare that someone meets his or her soulmate at a nightclub. What I do look for are those a bit tipsy individuals with interesting stories to tell. People are such an inspiration and what you’ll find sometimes is that some of them are there just because they needed someone to talk to. Now, back to the man in his thirties. I forgot his name, as I usually do within five minutes of meeting someone, but I’ll never forget what he told me and what kind of impact his story had on me. I am not exactly sure how the conversation steered towards his romantic life, but we eventually got there and he revealed that he’s in his thirties already, has never had a girlfriend or experienced real love, has never really been intimate with a woman and it’s all thanks to the restaurant business he runs. I was equal amount surprised and sad. I thought – no, it can’t be! Therefore I’ve been thinking – is there such a thing as being too busy for love? Here’s what some of my wonderful and very busy friends had to say about it…
1. Is there such a thing as being too busy for love/relationship? Why?
Elisa T.: “My motto has always been “eat, work, sleep” and yet, I have maintained a happy, strong relationship for the past five years. If you find the right person, I don’t believe there is such a thing as being too busy for love. If the person is worth it, you will make time for them. Don’t get me wrong – work is important, but I think I speak for many when I say that it’s not everything. At the end of the day, it’s most important that I have someone I can tell everything to.”
David M.: “While I understand the rigors of life, I truly do not believe there is such a thing as being too busy for love/ a relationship. Part of the whole “relationship process” is balancing each facet of life. It’s quite obvious that some professions allow for less time than others to “contribute” to a relationship. Even so, the whole idea of relationships/ love is not universal to everyone. The way one couple goes about it most likely is considerably different than another. I believe that anyone who says they are “too busy” in reality are either: 1. scared of commitment, 2. not ready to settle down or 3. just don’t want to settle down and would rather enjoy the single life.”
Yeliz A.: “Yes, there is such a thing as being too busy, but not in the sense that most people think when they hear the word “busy.” I think using it as an excuse is dishonest and unfair to the other person involved, however if you are genuinely too caught up with working on yourself and have a lot on your plate in terms of personal/emotional obstacles, family issues, and professional setbacks – then yes, it makes sense if you are too busy. In order for you to be the best girlfriend or boyfriend you have to first be the best YOU.”
Gary D.: “Perhaps I’m a romantic at heart, but I can’t believe if I found someone I wanted to be with, that I wouldn’t stop the world to make it happen–no matter how busy I was.”
Diana D.: ”You can’t be too busy for a relationship because if it’s worth having, whether it be romantic or platonic, you make it happen. If you are extremely busy with other aspects of your life, then I would say that you would still try to make it up to the person that you are neglecting, in some way.”
Dom T.: “No I do not believe there is such a thing as being too busy for love/relationship. There are ways to budget time and prioritize the important things in your life. The “too busy” line is most likely an excuse used to distance yourself from someone who you don’t truly care for and putting it in a nicer way. You can be busy. But if the
nnbusiness extends to hours and days and you are shown no signs of attention – that person isn’t busy. That individual just does not care enough to get back to you.”
Chika O.: “As much as I hate to admit, I think sometimes people are being too busy for love or relationship. Maybe not for people who can multitask, but I know that once I’m committed to work or school, it’d be difficult for me to handle relationships.”
2. Have you ever used “I’m busy” as an excuse to avoid someone or steer clear of commitment? Why?
Elisa T.: “I started dating my boyfriend in high school and luckily, we both realized that we are equally passionate about our own work. I was nervous about starting this new chapter in my life – college – while being in a long distance relationship. I made it clear that I had a dream, and I wanted to make it happen, but it all worked out naturally. My boyfriend and I were always naturally very close, so we never got into the issue of prioritizing work over each other.”
David M.: “The only time I’ve ever said I was busy to a girlfriend was when I either had work, schoolwork, was sick or was away. I believe communication is a big part in a successful relationship; couples don’t have to spend every second of the day together. Even days… Relationships fail when either party involved ONLY sees their significant other. It’s important to preserve the other relationships in your life, whether that be friends, family, organizations, etc.”
Yeliz A.: ”I may have used the “too busy” excuse in high school when I was trying to avoid the creepy dude from taking me out on a date, lol, but in terms of serious commitments, the answer is no – I have never used that excuse.”
Gary D.: “I haven’t–but I largely see the “I’m busy” line as a code for, “I’m not interested.” What I usually say, if I’m seeing that the relationship is on the outs, is: “My needs have changed.” It’s the easiest and most honest of the options. And it’s the most painless. When someone is avoiding commitment, I tend to think that it’s because they are uncomfortable with the closeness of being with another person. It takes a lot of introspection to be ready for love and to realize why you act a certain way towards particular people and their approaches to love.”
Diana D.: “To be too busy for a relationship and to say “I’m too busy…” I would say that when you use that excuse, you probably are either not attracted to the person or are insecure about yourself and are putting off exposing yourself. For example, if a person does not like himself or herself, then they may not feel comfortable with someone that does like them.”
Dom T.: “No I never used the “I’m too busy” approach and I don’t think that, that expression holds any worth because most people would just take it as “I’m not interested” anyway. Which, most of the time is the unfortunate truth.”
Chika O.: “Yes. (Yes, I’m a terrible human being…) I felt like I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship and I just used the phrase to avoid more questions.”
3. Has anyone ever done it to you? If yes, why do you think they did that?
Elisa T.: “No, and to be honest…the boyfriend I currently have was my first serious boyfriend. Before that, I was more serious about my part in the school musical and which Jonas Brother I loved than dating. My boyfriend and I have maintained a good balance between our work and time with each other. Our time with each other is crucial, especially since we are apart from each other, but we also respect one another’s work ethic.”
David M.: “Unfortunately, I have been given the “I’m busy” excuse for not being able to chill. I don’t believe there was any malicious intent, but rather the girlfriend was in a place where she needed space and instead of honesty and being
nnstraightforward, she would use the excuse so as to not hurt me. It eventually lead to our breakup, but the breakup was because she wasn’t in a mental capacity to seriously date. Her and her ex-husband were estranged because of something, and they have a son together. So once the divorce became official, I think it caused her to distance herself and cut all emotional ties of that sort.”
Yeliz A.: “Nope, no one’s ever used that excuse on me.”
Gary D.: “Sure, I think everyone–even Brad Pitt–has been rejected at one point or another. I take it in stride, and not too personally. The right person will come along and you’ll know when the fit is right.”
Diana D.: “Anyone who has done that to me, I have rationalized that they are either insecure with themselves or are in love with someone else. However, they can be totally content with their solitude, but I am a social person so that is hard for me to understand.”
Dom T.: “Yes, I’ve had that expression used on me. I understand there are times throughout the day where someone can’t get back to you, but like I said – if it extends to several hours or days and there are no signs of affection, they are clearly uninterested. I believe they did it because, 1. they weren’t THAT interested in me and 2. because they wanted a way to not burn bridges so that when they are bored or “ready” you will still be there to entertain them.”
Chika O.: “Yes, and I think he said that because he wasn’t simply into me and wanted to avoid further consequences.”
4. What was the “aha” moment, when you realized that someone was in fact just blowing you off? After how long did you realize that?
Elisa T.: “I never really had that, or was affected by someone choosing to work on something rather than spend time with me. When my boyfriend gets into his “zone” where he’s just focusing on his work and nothing else, I get it. I do the same thing.”
David M.: “The “aha” moment occurred when our conversations began taking a different tone; texts were short – couple word answers. I didn’t think it was as serious as it was at first, but it escalated rather quickly.”
Yeliz A.: “I don’t think anyone has ever blown me off, it’s usually me who’s got a lot on their mind/wasn’t ready to hang out with someone so I’d be the one to postpone plans.”
Gary D.: “I recognize pretty quickly when someone isn’t interested. As a safeguard, I tend to do things that prompt a mutual response. For example, if I reach my hand out–do they join me? Do they go the distance for a kiss? Are they willing to join me in something they haven’t done before? Hesitation is a red flag and will only be amplified the longer the relationship continues.”
Diana D.: “I have embarrassed myself to the point of rock bottom to figure it out that they are just not that in to me.”
Dom T.: “The “aha” moment came to me when the person I was talking to told me to call them and when I asked: “How’s work?” They replied: “Oh I’ve been on vacation the past few days.” Obviously if I was important I would have known about the vacation. Some could say “I’m not a good texter” excuse, but even the worst texter would go out of the way for someone they were interested in. So that was the moment I realized that person just didn’t want to talk to me, only when it benefited them. I had the feeling for a while, but it was the straw that broke the camel’s back.”
Chika O.: “I think I knew it right away. (I don’t know why, lol.)”
5. What’s your advice for someone who is really busy, but wants a relationship? How do you make it work?
Elisa T.: “Don’t rush into things. Don’t plan out the entire future of your relationship. Take your time to get to know each other, including each other’s ticks
nand pet peeves, and you’ll find where you are in each other’s lives. Also, just remember that there are 24 hours in a day; so carving out some of that time to spend with your SO is worth it if you want a happy relationship.”
David M.: “My advice for someone who is really busy and still wants a relationship is: Nobody knows you better than you. You know what type of schedule and commitments you have. While I’m not saying to completely limit your potentials to those with similar schedules, it does help to be in a similar routine. And finally, don’t close doors on potentials before you really consider them. Far too often, we complain that “we’re looking and no one’s there.” However, majority of the time, they are right in front of you.”
Yeliz A.: “I personally think that if you really, truly like someone, to the point where you miss them when they’re away from you for only a second or you get extremely excited when you see them again – then you’ll go out of your way to make time for them. If you don’t, then that means you deep down aren’t all that interested. And in today’s day and age “making time” can mean something as simple as a phone call, a FaceTime chat, or even getting a random gift and giving and/or sending it to them to show that you’ve had them on your mind.”
Gary D.: “Make time for the things you want – even if it’s one day a week. And don’t feel that being in a relationship is an obligation for you or your partner.”
Diana D.: “My best advice is to be honest with anyone who you pursue romantically. If you want to date several people because you cannot feel a connection, then try not to lead on your significant others. Treat them, as you would like to be treated, no matter how busy you are. Be honest if you have to cancel dates so that they do not feel like they are being ghosted. If you are honest, then you can be busy in other aspects of your life and let your romantic life take its course. When you find someone who you click with – you will make it happen. And if they are deserving of you, they will make it happen as well.”
Dom T.: “My advice to someone who is busy and wants a relationship is — sometimes the little things matter. A little cute text here and there… A warning when you are about to be overwhelmed with business. Sending cute pictures and videos on break. Good night and good morning texts or phone calls. And also – set the ground rules and tell the person your side of the story early on. If they accept your busy schedule, then that’s that. And if you are busy that you can’t meet weekly, use Skype or FaceTime and get that face-to-face chat in. Little things like that could make most people really happy.”
Chika O.: “Try to split the time even if you are busy with work or school. Sort out your priorities and date someone who understands it!”
What do you guys think? Let me know in the comments below!